The Butter Steak

Let me preface this by saying that I think vegetarians are superior humans. I hope to quit meat one day, but until then, I’ll be wrapping anything edible in bacon and making juicy ass steaks like The Butter Steak.

My roommate’s girlfriend introduced me to The Butter Steak. I came home from work one evening and smelled beef. I walked to the kitchen and found her and my roommate standing over the stove. They were holding a ribeye steak upright in a skillet and cooking only the sides. I saw a stick of butter next to the stove. I watched them for a moment, then went to my room for a nap. I always take a nap after work. Naps are very important to me.

I tried to sleep, but the smell of meat and melted butter made my mouth water. There’s something primal and comforting about the aroma, as if a Darwinian voice deep in my unconscious mind says, “We’re all gonna be okay.” The aroma is so powerful it can awaken humans from REM sleep. You may remember when the “internet WTF of the day” was an alarm clock that cooks bacon. I stared at the ceiling and imagined owning this alarm clock, while my body tried to decide whether it wanted to rest or consume meat. I imagined sleeping through the alarm and my room catching on fire.

At that point, I thought “I need to eat” and reflexively got out of bed. I walked to the kitchen and there I saw half a ribeye on a plate. It was thick, lightly red, and glistening. I thought, “That is a juicy ass steak.” I heard my roommate say from the other room, presumably with a mouthful of meat, “Go ahead and git’yer self a piece of that steak!” I mumbled a “Thanks” and picked up a knife. The meat hit my tongue and I had one of those “oh my god” moments. I said, “Oh my god,” to my roommate and cut another piece.

My roommate’s girlfriend later explained the way restaurants cook steaks so quickly is by cooking the sides, then basting the steak with butter as it cooks flat in a skillet. The next night, I decided to cook The Butter Steak. I figured I’d add garlic, which is never a bad idea, unless you’re making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and even then, who knows?

The Butter Steak

Serves 1–2

Ingredients

  • 12 ounce ribeye
  • 2 tbsp of unsalted butter
  • 2 cloves of garlic, minced
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • a willingness to consume animal flesh

Method

Warm a large skillet over medium heat. Stand the ribeye up on one of its sides and cook for 2 min, or until lightly browned. Repeat that on the other side.

Lay the ribeye flat and cook for 3 more minutes. Flip it and cook for about 2 minutes. Then, remove the steak from the skillet.

Add the butter and minced garlic to the pan. Let the butter melt a bit. Add the steak back to the skillet on the least cooked side. Sprinkle it with salt and pepper.

Next, baste the steak in the garlic butter continuously for about 2 minutes.
Flip it and sprinkle it with more salt and pepper. Baste it for another minute, and then put it on a plate to rest for about five minutes.

Eat your juicy ass steak with some greens or steamed veggies.